Ahhhh, the myriad joys in the world of Alan Ball! As a writer, he has one seriously twisted and ingenious imagination...and he did not disappoint in his offering this week on True Blood. When I saw that he had written this week's episode, I was alternately thrilled and terrified...wondering what kinda crazy Alice-in-Wonderland rabbit-hole he was going to suck us into...and my suspicions proved to be right on the money...and how!!! Okay, so why does True Blood leave us Shaken, Rattled and Rolled? Shaken: as in, shaking in our boots from all the freaky monsters lurking in the darkness, shaking with ginormous belly laughs at Lafayette and the world's most inspired dance routine, shaking our heads wondering what in the name of heaven could be coming around the corner next? Rattled: as in, rattled by an evil much worse than any deadly coiled rattlesnake ready to strike, rattled in our brains, trying to figure out what is what and who is who...and who is What! Rolled: as in, seriously fantasizing getting rolled in the hay (or on just about any other surface) with any number of HOT vampires, humans and shapeshifters! This show is Red HOT in every possible way! Please, I beg of you HBO, no more Breathers! We need our True Blood fix and we need it NOW! We begin our strange trip with a stop at the Light of Day camp...Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is walking alone in darkness, headed for his dorm room...only to find his roomies strewn about the room, with red streaming all around them...and then he is jumped by a hooded creature, exclaiming, "I can smell that hot blood"...and "Cowboy, you smell awesome"....then the lights come on and suddenly reveal...The Luke-inator! It's only a practical joke (ketchup, anyone?)...and one Jason does not find the least bit funny. He hauls off and punches Luke right in the nose, exclaiming that vampires are Scary...vampires are Not a Joke! Suddenly, "Jason the Avenger" begins parroting the very words recently preached to him by Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian)...and Jason begins to be scary indeed...and not in the way he is trying to be. What I find scary is the very real notion that people can be easily seduced by EVIL in the form of a bunch of people calling themselves "a church". How many times have we all seen this kind of vengeful fanaticism, posing as a religious truth throughout history? Very scary stuff indeed. As usual, Alan does not shy away from topics which are thought-provoking and quite serious, beneath the guise of a "show about vampires". Nothing Alan does is ever quite what it may seem at first glance...and he is a genius at finding ways to make us really think...for which I am always very grateful. Alan, you Rock! As for Jason, he is someone who is desperately searching for a way to belong, a place he fits and wanting so much to do the right thing...and yet, he is continually seduced by people who only want to use him for their own agenda. (Hellllooo, Amy?) I find myself hoping that Jason will pull his head out of his backside and start to see the Real Light of Day. I know, Dream on Dreamer. Back at the Compton manse, Hoyt (Jim Parrack) is scrambling off the couch, saying, "I am so sorry Vampire Bill"...while proclaiming that he would not have gone too far with Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll). Interesting to note Hoyt's gold cross...and the juxtaposition of his faith in the context of such an improbable setting. Bill (Stephen Moyer) threatens to throw Hoyt through a closed window, which Sookie(Anna Paquin) pronounces as just "rude". Is it just me, or has Sookie regressed to being more naive than ever? Jessica looks on in horror and anguish as Bill tells Hoyt, "It's not her I am protecting, son"...to which Hoyt replies, looking lovingly at Jessica, "I don't believe him for one minute". Awwww. Gotta love our Hoyt! Jessica tells Sookie and Bill that she had never even kissed a boy before this...and meeting Hoyt was the best thing that has happened to her since her "whole new life" started. She says she would never have gone too far, adding that she would have been happy to just go on kissing him all night long. Love it! It is especially hilarious when she asks Bill, "Is it my fault my fangs come out when I get turned on?"...to which Bill simply looks at her, having absolutely no clue how to respond to such a loaded question. I don't think Bill the vampire daddy was quite ready for "The Birds and the Bees, Vampire Edition"! Covering her fangs, she runs giggling up the stairs...and Bill looks like he would like to run somewhere himself! Sookie begins to try to persuade Bill to allow Jessica to accompany them to Dallas, telling him it would be good for him to teach Jessica how to walk the line between being human and being vampire. Sookie says, "Deep down, you don't like vampires, even though you are one." telling him that hating who you are is a bad thing. Bill tells her, "I am a vampire, I am supposed to be tormented". He tells Sookie that life is much different for Jessica than it was for him...that when he was "made", one had no choice but to live outside the human world. He said that he was forced to become an outlaw, a hunter... and that humans were prey and nothing else. I just wish Sookie would pay close attention when Bill tells her these things...he continually tries to tell her the truth of what it is to be a vampire...and she remains pretty stubborn in her naivete. He tells Sookie that he envies Jessica...and he reveals a deep pain for what he has endured. Sookie, Sookie...stop that yammering on and Listen, girl! Sam (Sam Trammell) and Daphne (Ashley Jones) are enjoying their midnight swim and talking about the joys of getting in touch with nature. Daphne says she enjoys the night and the quiet..."Just like the world, when it was brand spankin' new". Sam speaks of his love for the paradise of Bon Temps, which he had thought was his "home sweet home", telling her that he might be moving on. Sam sure does seem pretty curious about those nasty scars on Daphne's back, which he sees when she steps out of the water. I am mighty curious about them myself! Meanwhile, back at Maryann's place, Tara (Rutina Wesley) is on the phone to Sookie, who has called to say Bye before she leaves for Dallas. She reassures Tara that she wants her to move in, not to just crash for a few days. As she hangs up, Tara tells Sookie, "I love you the most"...just as Maryann (Michelle Forbes) walks in, wondering who Tara loves the most. Why does it make me nervous for her to tell Maryann that it is Sookie she loves most? She tells Maryann that she is leaving to move in with Sookie...and Maryann pouts, whining, "What happened? You fit in here so well...and it seemed like you were having so much fun last night". (referring to the flat-out orgy the previous night...) Tara thinks that everyone was having a little too Much Fun...to which Maryann gives a truly chilling little laugh...and then, she hugs Tara, telling her she will miss her...encouraging Tara to, "Go. Flourish. Don't ever say no to yourself". That might seem like mighty fine advice coming from someone other than Maryann, who gives me the heebie jeebies bigtime. I said it before, I'll say it again...Run Tara Run!!! Back at L.O.D.I. (Light of Day Institute), Jason is debating who was the first vampire (Lazarus? Cain? Jesus Himself?)in between shoveling in a mouthful of pancakes. Something about that is so wrong! Besides, Jason tells us, everyone knows the first vampire was Dracula. They go on to debate where the first evil came into the world...and the Luke-inator tells us that it was EVE...that's why they call it Eve-il. Hmmm. Sounds like the pot calling itself black to me! But the truly classic Jason line is this: "Evil is making the pre-medicated choice to be a d!ck". Okay now, that is downright funny!! Jason is saved from sharing any further pearls of wisdom as he is summoned to take a little trip with Rev. Newlin. Jason's eyes about pop outta his head when he sees the wicked looking and very large GUN in Steve Newlin's hand. Jason wonders, "Am I in trouble?" I can answer that question emphatically, Yes Jason, you are in a world of Trouble. Yes indeedy. Tara and Sookie meet at Sookie's place and she gives Tara a birthday gift, a picture of the two of them with dearly departed Gran (the incomparable and much-missed Lois Smith). They hug, dissolve into tears and talk about how much they miss Gran. Tara then wonders why Sookie is taking a trip to Dallas. "Are those vampire's gonna use your mind reading again?" Sookie tells Tara that she only agreed to this, "to save your fool cousin, thank you very much!". Tara, of course, has no idea what Sookie is talking about... Meanwhile, at the autopsy of Miss Jeanette (ya know, the one who was found in Andy's car with her heart cut out in the first episode?) Hey, look at those three nasty scratch wounds on her back!! Hmmm. Those seem very familiar! Mike Spencer (coroner and overly enthusiastic orgy-lover...yuck!!) surmises that the wounds contained a poison which paralyzed her so that her heart could be removed...while she was still alive. Double yuck! Bud (William Sanderson) ends up asking Andy (Chris Bauer) to hand in his detective badge after he comes in to the autopsy asking Kenya (Tanya Wright) if she has seen the brown pig that he recently saw...in a dollhouse. He wonders (as it turns out, rightfully so) if this is the Same pig that Tara saw when she ran off the road drunk. Andy tries to refuse to hand in his badge and finally does, tearfully. I have often felt that Andy is his own worst enemy...but, in this case, I felt genuinely sorry for him. Over at Lafayette's, Tara is threatening to knock down his door if he doesn't let her in. When she tells Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) what Sookie told her (about him being shot and fed on and kept in a vampire dungeon), he tells her ,"Sookie needs to keep her mouth shut...and so do you." Tara wants to stay and "take care of him"...but he sees through her after she looks at him with puppydog eyes and tells him, "but it's my birthday"...to which he replies, "You know I love you, but I ain't got it in me to take care of you tonight.". Tara reluctantly heads for the door, saying she will really be pissed off if he dies. "That makes two of us", says Lafayette. Back at Merlotte's, Terry (Todd Lowe) is cracking under the pressure of Sam leaving town...which will leave Terry responsible to run the bar. When Sam shows up, Terry asks hopefully if Sam is maybe NOT going to leave...to which Sam replies..."I haven't left yet". After telling Sookie that today's special is now called "Scrambled Terry's Scramble", Sookie comfortingly tells him, "Hush". Poor Terry. He seriously has issues. Sookie is aghast that Sam would leave without telling her...and he tries to blow off the conversation right and left. Sookie finally tells him that throwing away years of friendship seems pretty damn stupid to her. I couldn't agree more! Out in the woods, Jason and Rev. Newlin are firing their big guns (paintball guns apparently) at the vamp targets popping out at them from the trees...Boys and their toys, I swear! Seriously, there is something stark raving mad about the Newlin's. They are scarier to me than Maryann and that is saying something! Steve is waxing eloquent about the joy of one day seeing a vampire explode in front of him...when Jason tells him what it really looks like, from personal experience. The look on Steve Newlin's face can only be described as "orgasmic" as he tells Jason, "You've seen it? Damn, I'm jealous! Awww, that's gotta be a sight, watching God's amazing power just obliterate evil right in front of your eyes. One day...One day soon..." Steve Newlin has ratcheted up the ICK factor to a whole new level...
At Merlotte's, business is s-l-o-w due to the Partay over at Sookie's and the only one's left at the bar are Andy (drowning his sorrows yet again), Sam, Arlene (Carrie Preston) and Daphne. Andy sorrowfully tells Sam, "Bud took my badge"...to which Sam replies, "You'll get it back when you sober up and you know it, now go home!" Arlene is all for closing up early to go to the party at Sookie's for Tara. Just about then, in walks Tara's mother, Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) with a birthday present for Tara. Sam has okayed closing the bar early but told Daphne he didn't think he would go. Lettie Mae asks about Tara, and wants Sam to give Tara the present for her "since she doesn't have anyone else to ask". What is Sam to do? You know our Sam, the Dudley Do-Right of the True Blood world, he wouldn't ever want to let anyone down...but hey...isn't that a contradiction with the recent Sam...the one who is putting his tail between his legs and running for cover? Yup. I thought so too. Will the Real Sam Merlotte please stand up!
Meanwhile, in Dallas, Anubis airways has just touched down and there is a shiny black limo awaiting the "Compton Party". Sookie steps off the sleek jet, looking lovely in her yellow dress...and calls out, Yoooo Hooo, that's me! She is holding one of those teeny tiny airline bottles of booze...saying how much she loves them, and that they gave her 10 of them. Uh Oh! Limo guy starts to look a bit hinky and Sookie reads his mind just in time to realize he is trying to grab her...and Bill blasts outta his "travel coffin", telling the guy, "Make a noise and it will be your last". Jessica's travel coffin has bounced onto the ground as she is yelling for someone to get her outta this thing. Bill is looking like he would like to make a meal out of Limo Guy.
At Sookie's the party is heating up...as Sam arrives with Tara's gift clutched in his hand. We see Terry and Arlene having a real good time dancing together...and Maryann greets Sam, telling him how impressed she is that he showed up. Sam tells her, "Go ahead and turn me. You will also reveal yourself in the process". She says, "As what"? He says, "As whatever the hell you are". She gets in a few digs about his failed romances and tells him, "You are really not an Alpha, are you?" Finally, there seems to be a bit of a return of Sam's old self and you can see the fire in his eyes. Come back Sammy, we miss you!
Maryann throws Tara's present from her mother out into the yard, after taking some time to watch the dancers, Tara and Eggs especially. The sexual tension seems to pour out of the partygoers...and something in Maryann is either feeding off it, or accelerating it...or both. Maryann wanders out into the trees...
Back in Dallas, Limo guy is being seriously Glamoured by Bill...who discovers his name is Leon. Seeing Jessica watching the process, he asks her if she wants to try it...and proceeds to give her some lessons in Glamouring. Jessica takes to it brilliantly and Sookie and Bill look on like adoring parents. Awwww. They begin to talk about Leon's mission...and Bill wonders if he was sent by the Fellowship of the Sun. Sookie, revealing an ever more alarming level of naiveté, tells Bill that they may be crazy, but a "church" would never be involved in kidnapping someone. Something tells me that Sookie is going to get the mother of all wake-up calls real soon.
Jason saunters into the dorm room, pleased as punch about his "promotion". He cannot resist ribbing Luke about it...and that backfires on Jason when Luke insinuates that he is only being asked to bunk at the Newlin's because, "the preacher's wife needs someone to play with". Even though he was just entertaining similar thoughts about her himself, he seems to be genuinely horrified at the accusation...and defends Sarah telling Luke, "She's married". Jason finally stalks out, saying that he "earned this", to which Luke replies, "Sure you did" in a mocking tone. Jason has a couple of choice parting words...and I am thinking this is not the last of the hostility between Luke and Jason.
Sookie and Bill are checking in to the swanky Vampire Hotel in Dallas. The desk clerk tells them, "I have you down for a room with no bed". Bill looks at Sookie and says, "Eric". Sookie tells the clerk that they need a bed. (Ohhh yess, these two definitely need a bed! That naughty Eric!) Bill tells the clerk they need an adjoining room for his...Ward? Sookie thinks Bill should call Jessica his ward, like Bruce Wayne called Dick Greyson in Batman [Editor's note: It makes sense as both Bruce and Bill are, after all, Bat-men]. These two are getting goofier by the minute! Jessica, meanwhile, is glamouring Leon out of his cellphone and getting him to yell out something at the top of his lungs...just your ordinary teenage vampire hi-jinks! Bill makes sure that their hotel accommodations are, indeed, being paid for by Eric. Bill seems to be getting a great deal of enjoyment out of that.
Back at the orgy..I mean party...Maryann is chanting something in an ancient language, maybe Greek? The more she vibrates, the more the party amps up. People are starting to strip and Tara and Eggs head upstairs to Sookie's bedroom. (Okay, having this party at Sookie's just creeps me out!) I think Maryann is having a bit of revenge on Sookie for taking Tara away from her.
Meanwhile, (fabulous) Lafayette is convalescing, just chilling out watching the tube, fanning himself ...when all of a sudden, Eric (the equally fabulous Alexander Skarsgard) appears, larger than life (and then some!) at his open window. He tells Eric that he can't come in unless he invites him in...and Eric basically tells him he will wait as long as it takes since Lafayette has to come out sometime. The entire interchange is charged with tension...with Eric trying to persuade Lafayette to accept his gift of "the healing elixir that is my thousand-year-old blood." Lafayette is understandably wary, wondering why Eric wants to give him his blood. When Eric tells him, "I like you"...which Lafayette feels is BS...he tells Eric, "You want to keep track of me, why?" to which Eric responds, "You obviously mean something to Sookie. And what Sookie finds meaningful, I find… curious." Hmmm. I think everything about Sookie is a curiosity and an intrigue to Eric. She unexpectedly stood up to him, slapping the hell outta his face in Ep. 3 [Editor's note: Ooooh.. we could watch that slap over and over and ...] (admittedly while she was completely amped up on a pretty massive infusion of Bill's blood following her near-death experience at the hands...uhh...claws?... of the three-clawed-creature, but still...) and wheeling and dealing with him in her negotiations to accompany him to Dallas. Note to self...Sookie has one hell of a temper.. probably not wise to piss her off when she is on the V...and I don't think she even realized how much danger she was putting herself in by confronting and threatening Eric. Lafayette, however, has images of ripped-off arms flying through the air at him permanently burned into his brain...so it is understandable that he would not be in a big hurry to be drawn back into Eric's world. Even so, he ultimately consents to let Eric in, after being persuaded that he could lose his leg altogether without intervention. Enter Eric, Vampire Healer! Imagine what Sookie will say when she learns that he has healed her friend Lafayette. Perhaps she will rethink her disgust as regards Eric? Hmmm.
Back in Dallas, Bill continues interrogating Leon, discovering that he was sent by the Fellowship of the Sun to abduct the human with the Compton party and bring her to the church. All he knew is that the vampires are using a human to find the Vampire Godric. Bill tells Leon that he did very well and implants the suggestion that the Compton party never arrived on that flight. Leon is smiling happily, knowing now that he got all nervous for nothing. Sookie and Bill beam at him with approval.
At Lafayette's, Eric sits in a chair, arm outstretched (and, may I say, what an arm it is! Yummy.) while Lafayette feeds from his wrist. He tells him, that's enough...and when Lafayette doesn't immediately stop, Eric says, "Don't be greedy" and tosses Lafayette away from him. Eric's cellphone rings, it is Bill and Eric wonders why they didn't call him the minute they arrived...Bill tells him that they were ambushed by the Fellowship of the Sun and angrily wonders why Eric didn't tell him that he suspected that the F.o.t.S. was involved. Eric turns on the ice and informs Bill that he should remember that Eric is his Sheriff, that they are not equals and if that displeases him, he should take it up with the Magister or the Queen. When Eric holds the phone up and somewhat emphatically punches the disconnect button, there seems to be a bit of a crack in the ice...and suddenly, dance music comes on...and Lafayette is dancing his fool butt off...with moves so crazy fast, they almost seem like vampire speed. Let me pause to say that this is one of the classic Lafayette scenes of all time...I thought I was going to bust something, I was laughing so hard! Eric swings around in his chair to look...and Lafayette is literally humping the ground...Eric asks, deadpan, "How is your leg?" Lafayette is in a frenzy of "1000-yr-old-V" induced bliss...and says, "I just want to effing dance"...humping away at one of the chairs. Eric says, "How nice for you...I must fly"...and off he goes, with Lafayette saying something that sounded kinda like, "Thank you, baby" over and over again...or something of that nature. Nelsan Ellis is an Acting Rockstar...he just cannot be matched in his genius portrayal of Lafayette. Hallelujahs...our Lafayette is back...and he IS the Dancing Queen!!!
Back at the Newlin's...Jason is settling into the guest bedroom and Sarah waltzes in, in a white satin negligee number...asking Jason if he is nervous! Good heavens, girlfriend, if you had any idea about the adventures of the professional stud you have in your house, you would be the one to be nervous! As for Jason, he looks like he is ready to throw her down...and, strangely for Jason, is fighting off the impulse bigtime.
Bill and Sookie, meanwhile, have settled into bed for some fun, fun, fun...when there is a knock at the door and it is Eric, who summons Bill to meet him in the bar. Bill tells Sookie this is important...and Sookie, as only she can, looks longingly after him and says, "Fudge".
Eric and Bill meet in the bar and Eric tells Bill that he admires him, and it takes a real vampire to admit he cannot protect his human. (backhanded compliment if ever there was one!) Bill tells him it takes a true monster to not care about anyone or anything other than himself. Eric says, I care about others. Bill tells him that he cares about Godric...and wants to know why Eric has this allegiance to him, which is so personal for Eric. Eric tells him that Godric is beloved by his subjects, twice as old as him, and very powerful. He says that there are none above him in the new world. Bill wonders how he could have been abducted if he is so powerful. Eric tells him that is what worries him...and if one such as Godric can be taken, none of them are safe. Eric is also worried about what the Dallas vampires will do if Godric is not returned. He fears they will begin open aggression against humans. Bill says that is insane. Eric says, that's Texas! Yee Haaa! Looks like the Texas vamps are getting ready to open a can of whoop-ass on the humans...and the Fellowship is also gearing up for war against the vampires...and look who is stuck right in the middle of all of it. That's right. Sookie.
Back at Sookie's, Sam and Daphne are feeding eachother cake in the kitchen...and before you know it, kissing like crazy. Daphne's comments to Sam are just priceless: "You're sweet as hell, adorable and scruffy with a little gray in your hair...and damn boy, do you know how to wear a pair of pants!!" Can I just give a Hell Yeah to that!!!?? Sam tries to stop things from progressing, telling her he needs to tell her something...she says, No you don't...and leans in and whispers in his ear, "I know what you are". They look deep into eachother's eyes....and...
The party continues to escalate in every possible way...Tara and Eggs are having one hell of a good time...(and can I just say, I was right...Naked Eggs is beyond Delish!!)...Maryann is vibrating at an even greater intensity...feeding off the energy...the sexual frenzy...the hedonism...the pleasures of the flesh. People's eyes are becoming that scary pure black...including Terry and Arlene...people are smashing food and cake all over eachother...violence breaks out and a girl throws herself into the dirt and starts eating it...Maryann starts digging into the deep black earth at the roots of a tree...and she casts her muddy hands to the heavens...and they become three hideous deadly looking claws...
In Dallas, Sookie waits for Bill...checking out the adult vampire movie menu (with hilarious titles like, "Intercourse with a vampire", "the First Fangbang" and "Co-ed Chowdown")...when suddenly there is a knock on the door...and a bellhop announces, "Man, Straight, B negative"...while Jessica says, That's for me...and leads him into her bedroom. Sookie wonders to herself what she should do, since Bill would probably not like this...and wonders how old this guy is anyway. The bellhop answers her out loud, "Oh, he's 21". Sookie thinks to herself, that's weird...almost like he just read my mind...and the bellhop thinks to himself, "I did read your mind...Barry, just smile and pretend it was a coincidence". Sookie looks at him, stunned, and says out loud, "but it's not a coincidence Barry!" and Barry turns and runs down the hall, with Sookie running after him calling out his name! Yaay!! Barry the Bellboy makes an appearance. Fans of the book oughta love it!!
Whoa. Soooo much going on!! How do they manage to pack so much into one little hour?
I can hardly wait to see what comes next!
Next week:
Eric meets with the Dallas Vamps, along with Bill and Sookie...joining forces against the Fellowship of the Sun.
Someone is getting "valuable info" from Rev. Newlin...and putting something into motion! I think this means War!
Sam asks Lafayette (with Arlene) "What happened to you"...to which Lafayette replies, "Can we talk?"
Maryann smiling her evil smile with her minion Karl...Tara asking Eggs, "What exactly is your thing with Maryann? Eggs tells her that they take care of eachother...
Bill wants to slip away to Bon Temps with Sookie...but Sookie does not want to break her promise to Eric.
The Newlin's tell Jason, "You're rising to the next level, recruit". and as Steve walks off with Jason, Sarah looks mighty troubled...
Vampire: It's a War.
Jason, holding a rocket launcher on his shoulder, "Amen".
Sam watches as Terry picks up Arlene...
Sookie chases Barry down the hotel hallway...
Is that Sam and Daphne in silhouette?
Steve Newlin, pointing a gun...
Bill...asking Eric.."all this for a colleague? Why?"
I don't know about you...but there are way more questions than answers right now...and things are getting crazy in a big hurry!!! Cannot wait for next week...Can you????
To see another great TBN.com episode review, check out Dan Knaggs Article!
(Photo credit: HBO)
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