Over 2 million families in America have lost a father. It's not an impersonal event that can be evaluated by the statistics alone. It's a harsh event that devastates a family both emotionally and financially. It rends the family apart and leaves them cleaving to each other for support. Can't imagine what it feels like? We have the words of Missi Darnell herself to help us understand.
Newly Widowed - The first four weeks
By Missi DarnellPure agony, terror, shock, disbelief, panic. I felt it all and it changed from one second to the next... [and then Kirk Darnell was gone]. ....I laid across his chest, breathing in his smell I'd loved so much and the first wave of terror hit me that I would never smell his chest again. I touched the stubble on his cheeks, smoothed back his hair, held his large caloused hand, that would never again hold mine. I cried in agony, I reminded him of all the things we had yet to do. I thought of nothing else but of wanting him back.
Money
Aside from the human loss what about the financial loss? The National Center for Children in Poverty state that having only one parent doubles your chances of living in poverty. The chances are lower that the child will enter or finish college, more likely that they will drop out of school. Missi was trying to cope with those issues as well and her personal loss. She shares with us:His death was sudden and unexpected, so we were not prepared. He was self-employed, I, a stay at home mom. No life insurance. With the realization of what the financial situation truly was, I found some strength from somewhere that I was alone and that our five children now solely depended on me and that I needed to act quickly.Just put yourself in that family's shoes. Coping with the loss of a father a mere eight months earlier. When one night the oldest daughter Rachel gets a call and is stunned to hear that her mother, Missi, and ten year old sister, Genevieve, have been struck by a careless driver and killed while they were walking to a local store. Shock, numbness, devastation. Alone.
Aftermath
What about anger and outrage? Surely some but what does Rachel say about the person who took away the remaining four children's only parent and young sibling?"I don't think she's a bad person," said Olivia Darnell. "She made a mistake." "I forgive her."And what final words of wisdom does Missi share with her children from beyond the grave? On her personal blog about the experience of losing a spouse she says,
Let people help you. It was difficult to watch people fold my laundry, so I went into the bathroom for a good cry, but was later relieved that folding laundry was no longer on my list of things to do. Let people bring you dinner! Designate one person to set up a schedule for you. People were told that if I didn't answer the door to place dinner in our freezer in the garage. Let people pick your kids up from school and don't feel guilty. If they offer it's because they want to help. Let them.
We Can Help
That's where we come in. The Darnell family isn't asking for our help. But Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin are asking us all to step up and help them. And they are making it easy to do so.Anna and I are auctioning off two signed posters, some DVD's and a very cool True Blood Bag also signed by us. The bag was my gift from production for season 3..The silent auction for these items will be held at the Canal Club in Venice Beach, CA on Sunday October 10th, 2010 from 1-4pm. Tickets are $50 and additionally include celebrity guest appearances, food, free drinks for the first hour and entertainment. If you cannot attend the auction and wish to make a donation: A fund has been created for public donations to the family you can send a check to: Darnell Memorial Fund Acct. 3130266046 Antelope Valley Bank, Acton branch 31924 Crown Valley Road Acton, CA 93510 Or make a paypal donation here:
A Final Word
A last word of good advice from Missi that applies to dealing with all our troubles:One foot in front of the other, one second, one hour, one day at a time.How about we all have one less bag of candy this year for Halloween and send this family a couple of bucks? How Fangtastic would that be? Sources: abclocal.go.com The-Darnell-Family-Fund Newly-Widowed-The-first-30-days Photo Credits: The Darnell Family
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