Ask Dr. L:

For a small fortune (and the promise of a steady supply of medicinal quality V) TrueBloodNet.com has gotten Dr. L to agree to answer your supernatural medical questions.  Ask Dr. L is written by Dr. L (any resemblance to any characters living, dead or undead is purely coincidental), also known as Doctor to the Supernaturals, and was founded by her mother, Philine Paullips. It is the most popular and widely syndicated supernatural medical advice column in this world -- or any other.  Known for its uncommon nonsense and immortal, or just darn old, perspective.

September 1, 2009:

Dear Dr. L: Your knowledge of vampires and other supernatural beings is so well known that I was hoping that you can answer a question for me.  I know that some supernatural beings have been able to impregnate female humans and I was wondering if, under a certain specific set of circumstances, vampires can procreate with humans as well? I appreciate your time and your expert opinion. T B Fan Dear TB fan, First let me address your name, how, and why, does one become a fan of Tuberculosis? I am sure you know that pulmonary tuberculosis, or TB, is a contagious bacterial infection primarily involving the lungs that is spread through by breathing in moist droplets put into the air by an infected person coughing or sneezing (the medical term for that is: GHAK!)..  Nearly 1 in 10 thousand people in the US has TB at any time. Humans are interesting creatures and though fandom may take many forms – yours is a first and it's possible you're sick in more ways than one. As for your question of certain specific circumstances surrounding Vampire impregnation, honey - think of it this way. If your man has been shooting blanks for one hundred plus years, what makes you think that any form of medical circumstance could reverse this condition? Vampires cry blood, not tears – think about that for a minute. There has been some interesting cloning research done recently with bats; interesting in that Chinese sense of the word. Vampires unique metabolism seems very well suited to reproducing themselves through cloning but so far as soon as the cloned vampire bat reaches a certain size it becomes obsessed with destroying the sourced original.   And there is another study utilizing vampirized rats that's yielding some interesting results implicating the potential for artificially hybridizing the two species but so far the results have not been worth stopping the presses over. Not unlike the recent debacle trying to hybridize potatoes and tomatoes that ended up with a plant with poisonous roots and fruits, so far the mother has been vampirized by the fetuses stopping their advancement at the equivalent of the 3rd trimester.  Mercifully, the whole experiment has 'met the sun' as I can't imagine a much worse situation than to be either an eternal fetus nor suffering an eternal pregnancy. If you still believe that you could get pregnant by a vampire, get your head out of the Twilight saga, focus on the real world and buy some condoms. I've taken the liberty to book you for a complete TB screening and psychology exam stat.

Doctor L. Hi Dr.Ludwig, As a single woman, i was always curious what it would be like to be a vampire, and always also wanted to know who supplies their blood to your cause? Eric Northman must've paid you in his blood or another vampire's blood for your payment for Sookie Stackhouse's recent treatment for her clawed and poisoned system. Also how long have you been a doctor of the supernatural world? Christine Dear Creeper Christine, Although your questions are masked as medical enquiries I can see through that façade of yours. A single woman, interested in how to get her mitts on a few vials of V, always wondering what it would be like to be a Vampire. Honey I ain't no psychologist but your introduction reads like the profile of an undercover Vampire. How long have I worked as a doctor in the supernatural world? I may be old sweetie but I am not stupid. I understand you are trying to get information out of me about Eric Northman, but I wish to know who's district you work for. Contact me directly, and stop hiding behind this act.

Dr. L, My friend, much to my dismay, is a dyed-in-the-wool 'Fangbanger'. She's been trying to set me up with a vampire and I've continued to tell her that I'm not interested. I've got nothing against the undead but I'm a traditional girl and my main interests are surfers, sun bathing, gardening and beach volleyball although lately I find myself oddly attracted to the stage... Anyway, I was at Merlotte's the other night, and there he was! This guy is so hot just the sight of him made my toes curl! I tried to ignore him and managed to convince my girlfriend not to call him over by ordering the garlic toast, but it was if I'd been 'mesmerized' as David Letterman would say. If I decide to take the plunge, do I need to use any sort of protection? Can they spread disease? Should I continue to try to resist? What's a girl to do? Rebecca Sunnybrook, LA Rebecca, If your intentions are pure then I would suggest following your heart. It is full of blood and that is one thing that vampires honestly do love. This is not a dating advice line, this is for serious medical advice only, so I shall get down to business. As vampiric blood has the ability to cure disease and heal wounds, there would be no disease that you could contract from a vampire other than the affliction of vampirism itself and Hepatitis D which is asymptomatic in humans. The process of changing humans into vampires is not completely understood at this time but during the transformation all human infections are destroyed. Blood is the vehicle of infection but the changes go clear to the bone as well as passing the blood brain barrier causing psychological changes including the desire to feed on humans and oddly, inflating the ego. Vampire sex is therefore oddly fairly safe unless you consider the possibilities or death.. or undeath. If you want to stay safe I'd recommend buying a farm and staying far away from Bon Temps and  stay off the stage!  I have a friend named Em who's got a farm up in Kansas for sale although there are occasional problems with tornadoes and some problem with a calculating scarecrow... Let me know if you're interested I get a 2% finders fee. Dr. L Be sure to Submit your questions in the Comments Section below and if you're unlucky enough Dr. L may choose to answer your question! Disclaimer: These answers are provided for entertainment purposes only and should not be followed by ordinary humans.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  Ask Dr. L and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris's Sookie Stackhouse novels. To view past Q & A check the Dr. L archives!

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Rutina Wesley On The Chelsea Lately Show Tonight

Rutina Wesley, who portrays the possessed Tara Thornton in season 2 of Alan Ball's hit HBO TV vampire series True Blood will be on The Chelsea Lately Show tonight, Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 11:00pm EDT on the E! Network. Other guest on tonight's show include Jen Kirkman, Ben Gleib, and John Caparulo.  So do not miss watching the lovely and talented Rutina Wesley tonight! SOURCE: Interbridge.com (Photo credit: David Gabber / PR Photos via exposay.com)

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Maryann Forrester: Mysterious, Mad, Maenad

Maryann Forrester (Michelle Forbes) is a charming yet deadly supernatural creature called a MAENAD in the HBO Series, True Blood, which is based on the best-selling Sookie Stackhouse series of novels by Charlaine Harris. Maryann makes her first appearance in the  season one episode of True Blood, "To Love is to Bury".  She arrives in town as a sort of Social Worker for hard luck cases whom she rescues at various low points in their lives and brings them to live with her. Maryann's most recent acquisition? Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley), the new bartender at Merlotte's and the best friend of female lead character, Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin).  At the same time, on the way to Shreveport with boyfriend Vampire Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer), Sookie is attacked in the woods by something with the head of a bull and poisonous claws and must endure a painful procedure by an odd doctor in order to save her life.

Maryann's Enigmatic History in True Blood:

Not much is revealed about Maryann when she briefly appears in the late episodes of season one, except that Maryann seems to share a secret history with Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) the owner of the local watering hole, aptly named, "Merlotte's".  This history is further explored through a subsequent episode where we learn that the two had a brief affair when Sam was just 17  -and it didn't end well.  We also come to find that Maryann not only knows about Sam's shape shifting abilities but that she has the power to turn him into anything whenever she chooses.

Maryann coddles her new "project" Tara and plays into all the untended emotional scares left by her awful childhood and her alcoholic mother Lettie Mae (Adina Porter).  Soon, Tara discovers that Maryann likes to throw lavish parties. During which, unbeknownst to Tara and the other guests, Maryann likes to steal away and perform ritualistic chants beckoning her God, which also happens to make her entire body vibrate like a cheap massage chair.

"Lo Lo Bromios, Lo Lo Dendrites, Lo Lo Eleutherios, Lo Lo Enorches, Lo Lo Bacchus"

Unfortunately, this ritual seems to turn the partygoers into ebony-eyed, hedonistic "zombies" whose actions are driven mysteriously by reckless abandon and debauchery (which Maryann seems to thrive on). After these parties no one seems to remember what happened, but they are certain they had a good time. Soon Tara and another resident at Casa d'Maryann - Tara's new boyfriend "Eggs" (Mehcad Brooks) are completely enmeshed in Maryann's world of Dionysian revelry. By now it's clear that Maryann wants total control over Tara, Eggs and the entire town of Bon Temps and she's going to use Sam to get it.  After manipulating her way into living with Tara and Eggs at Sookie's house while Sookie is out of town, Maryann's master plan becomes clearer. She is going to sacrifice Sam Merlotte to her God known only as "The God Who Comes"… but first she has to find him.

The dénouement – Maryann's Victory Lap or Crashing Demise?

It's not long before Maryann has the whole town under her spell … literally.  She has indeed taken control of the minds and bodies of almost everyone in Bon Temps. Maryann now has an army of devout if not completely hypnotized followers to do her bidding. Her orders?

"Find Sam Merlotte and bring him to me".

At the same time, Sookie, Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) and Bill arrive back in Bon Temps after dealing with their own supernatural problems in Dallas. They find the town trashed and in total chaos. After hearing there's a mob waiting for Sam at Merlotte's Jason takes off planning a "Call of Duty" rescue while Sookie and Bill take off to locate Tara. When they get to Sookie's house they find a strange huge horn statue made out of raw meat and fauna on the front lawn. When Sookie and Bill enter the house they see it has been completely transformed into a different dwelling - only to be confronted by Maryann claiming the house is now hers. When Maryann starts to attack Sookie, Bill attacks and bites her and is subsequently poisoned by her blood, forcing him to jump back, vomiting and retching with pain. But Maryann soon finds out that she might be in store for something she wasn't expecting in our heroine, Sookie Stackhouse.  Faced with Maryann's escalating threats and Bill's debilitated state, a furious Sookie pushes Maryann's face away from hers.  To everyone's surprise a powerful energy expels from Sookie's hand and temporarily forces Maryann to back off. Maryann is amazed and curiously delighted in this display and watches Bill and Sookie leave while pondering out loud "what are you?"

Meanwhile, Sam is tricked by zombified waitress Arlene (Carrie Preston) to come to Merlotte's where unbeknownst to him, the town is laying in wait. Sam and local, disgraced, alcoholic detective Andy Bellefleur (Chris Bauer) arrive and are ambushed by the frenzied mob and barely escape, by locking themselves in the Merlotte's freezer. Eventually, with the help of an un-possessed Jason Stackhouse (Sookie's hunky but vapid brother) they escape twice, the last time with an assist by Andy Bellefleur. It seems Jason and Andy are unaffected by Maryann's trance most likely because they were out of town when Maryann "zotzed" the Bon Temps townsfolk with her funky magic.

Sookie and Bill hear word that Tara has been snatched from Maryann's clutches by her cousin Lafayette (Nelson Ellis) and her rehabilitated mother Lettie Mae (Adina Porter) and is the unwilling participant in an ineffectual "intervention". They need help and fast. Sookie and Bill join forces to simultaneously "glamour" and read Tara's thoughts which both snaps Tara out of her possession and fills Sookie and Bill in on what's been going on while they were away.

Bill tells Sookie he now believes he knows what Maryann is:

a Maenad, literally meaning "raving ones" an immortal follower of the God Dionysus that causes and feeds on chaos and all things indulgent.

Bill believes that he might know someone who knows how to defeat her. He leaves at Vampire speed and discover he's come to meet with, the heretofore unknown, Queen of Louisiana (Evan Rachel Wood).

Will Bill be able to use the information from Queen Sophie Ann to save Bon Temps and Sam?  Will Maryann's "God" come to Bon Temps and if so what will he do?  What was that power that emanated from Sookie's hand that shocked Maryann?  Hopefully, at least some of these questions will be answered in the season finale of True Blood airing September 13th.  So get your bottles of Tru Blood ready!

(Photo credit: HBO)

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Charlaine Harris to Appear at Decatur Book Festival

With all nine books from the Sookie Stackhouse series currently on the New York Times Bestsellers list, Charlaine Harris is in high demand. This weekend, September 4-7, she will not only be speaking at Dragon*Con in Atlanta, GA, but also at the Decatur Book Festival in Decatur, GA. Among the 250 authors in attendance will be Diana Gabaldon (Outlander series), Kathy Reichs (inspiration for the Fox series Bones), and Lee Child (the Jack Reacher series). Sponsored by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the festival brings in Pulitzer Prize winning and best-selling authors of both fiction and nonfiction, who participate in readings, panel discussions, and book signings. The event will be sprawling over 10 blocks in downtown Decatur. Charlaine will be appearing with Chelsea Yarbro, writer of the Count Saint-Germain series, in a panel entitled, "Vampires! (True-Blooded and Bloodborne)." They are scheduled for Saturday at 10 a.m. on the First Baptist Decatur Sanctuary Stage. For anyone interested in going, maps to Decatur are available on the festival's website below. Admittance is free. In addition, in nearby Atlanta, Charlaine is participating in several panels and Q&A sessions at Dragon*Con, where she is scheduled from Friday night to Monday afternoon. Tickets to the convention are available each day at Registration in the Sheraton Atlanta Hotel. Many thanks to Zeny Williams at www.beyondthepalace.com for informing us about the Decatur Book Festival in Decatur, GA. Thanks Zeny! SOURCES: decaturbookfestival.com dragoncon.org (Photo credit: rhodes.edu)

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MTV's Hollywood Crush Applauds Jason Stackhouse as a "Genius Character"

While True Blood's Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) may not be the smartest guy in Bon Temps, MTV's Hollywood Crush still says he's "A Genius Character" and should be nominated as "The Man of 'True Blood'!"

"No, Jason doesn't turn into a dog to get out of hairy situations. He doesn't have fangs either. And, fine ... he hasn't lived for a thousand years. But what Jason lacks in supernatural ability, he makes up for in unbelievable entertainment value."

While actor Ryan Kwanten is also definitely easy on the eyes, there is much more to praise about his portrayal of Jason Stackhouse. Kwanten's Jason is not the typical dumb jock character. Hollywood Crush lists five great reasons to praise Jason Stackhouse. First, Jason makes a charming "Village Idiot." He may be lacking in brains, but he is honest, "when he's not lying about abducting vampires and sneaking V tabs."  That "refreshing" and almost childlike honesty makes us forgive his many faults. Hollywood Crush also says that just like Forrest Gump, when it comes to Jason Stackhouse, "Stupid Is As Stupid Does."  Though Jason makes a lot of mistakes, he owns up to them and "fights for what's right." That fact makes up for a lot of the times when he doesn't use his brain. And then there are his mighty smiting skills.  In episode 10, we saw perhaps one of the most hilarious scenes of the season:

"Jason proved his acting chops by pretending to be Maryann's horned God — and with just a few road flares, a gas mask and an antlers-shaped branch, he pulled it off! Thanks to Stackhouse's award-winning performance, and a little shape-shifting assistance from Mr. Merlotte, the whole town believes Sam has been "smitten" by the God... even if Jason himself doesn't know what "smitten" means."

In addition, Jason is also a fiercely loyal American hero, who showed that sometimes brawn is more useful than brains when he "snapped an American flag in half and used it to stake a vampire, even if it was just during a training session."  We saw that national pride flare up again in Episode 10, when Jason tells Andy that even though their friends and neighbors are zombies, "they're still Americans" and that still means something to him. Finally, if you've heard actor Ryan Kwanten speak out of character, you know that he is Australian, though you'd never guess it just from watching the show.  Kwanten is totally believable as Jason, and his fantastic work is just one more "reason to love the Bon Temps Bloke." Source: MTV Hollywood Crush (Photo credit: HBO.com)

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Fans Can Support Alexander Skarsgard's Cause

Alexander Skarsgard, Eric Northman on HBO's True Blood, recently answered the call issued by the International Fund for Animal Welfare (IFAW) and showed his support for the Tails for Whales campaign. He shot a photo for their Web site, and has also been spotted wearing an anchor necklace. Kristin Bauer (Pam) also posed for a whale tail photo and lent her support to this awesome animals rights cause. Thanks to Cadsawan Jewelry, fans can now purchase a necklace inspired by the one Alexander wears and made especially to support this cause. All of the proceeds from the purchase of this necklace go directly to IFAW! What an awesome chance to show some love for the whales and for Alexander! Apparently the necklace that Alexander wears is no longer being made by its manufacturer, so the folks at Cadsawan Jewelry teamed up with Skarsgard News to create this new necklace. The necklace is made of 100 percent recycled silver and retails for $220. It is currently available at a sale price of 15 percent off, to help get support started. It features three different anchors and a small whale tail. How cool to know that Alexander is aware of this effort to help support his cause! I'm sure he appreciates all of the support the campaign can get. On the Skarsgard News site, the editor pointed out some interesting information:

Editor's note: Just so this can go on the record, Alexander does know about this. I told him our plans for this and he is well aware of this site's efforts for helping in the Tails For Whales campaign though his name is not officially behind it.

This necklace is a fan's chance to show their love for animal rights and Alexander Skarsgard. Are you going to get one? SOURCES: Skarsgard News IFAW TailsforWhales.org (Photo credits: Skarsgard News)

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Evan Rachel Wood Loving New Job On True Blood

Evan Rachel Wood made quite an entrance as Queen Sophie-Anne in Sunday's episode, "Frenzy." From her femoral artery feeding, to the Yahtzee game (I guess no one can call you out for cheating if you're royalty!), to her illuminating conversation with Bill about the effects of religion, the Queen made her mark on the world of True Blood. Having grown up in a home where Anne Rice books were read to her, Evan Rachel Wood has a fascination with, and an understanding of, the undead. When she recently spoke to the New York Daily News, she observed what makes vampires appealing:

"Vampires are both romantic and dangerous. They could kill you or they could make you live forever. And it's that anticipation of what's going to happen that drives people crazy."

She loved Season one of True Blood so much that she offered herself to Alan Ball for any guest roles, and accepted the part of Queen Sophie-Anne before even reading the script. Without any real point of reference to put herself in the mindset of her 1,100-year old character, Evan found inspiration in Christian Bale's performance as the twisted Patrick Bateman in American Psycho. It is already known that Sophie-Anne will be featured more in Season three. Evan doesn't know what is in store for her, although she suspects that she might have to get naked since that seems to be a common truth for True Blood's actors. She also wonders whether her character will possess a unique ability:

"She can communicate telepathically with other vampires. That's something that was in the books. I don't know how much they're really going to explore it on the show, but that might lead to a connection with Sookie."

For Evan, True Blood is the perfect show to work on:

"I feel like I have 500 different sides of myself, so when I read something that's kind of different and weird, I'm curious about it and I want to dive in. I love the acting on the show. There are a lot of new faces involved, everybody does a great job. I love the writing--it's funny, it's sexy, it's vampires, it's me."

Who knows how much longer Maryann will last on the show after the sacrifice showdown in the finale in two weeks, but Queen Sophie-Anne seems fully capable of carrying on the crazy next year. As for Evan, she has probably had a great time joining the tight-knit cast, and it will be great to see what Alan Ball has planned for her! SOURCE: nydailynews.com (Photo credit: celebuzz.com)

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