Every week, a diverse panel of Bon Temps residents gather to watch and discuss each new episode of HBO's True Blood. The sessions are moderated by Nina Harken, PhD candidate interested in finding out what the real folks of Bon Temps think of the portrayal of their town and their people on HBO's hit series.
NINA Well, here we are, the third episode into the season. And no shortage of storylines. So, let's talk. Open forum. Who has something to say? [A beat of silence] NINA Oh, come on now, somebody must have something to say about this episode. BYRON Ahem... well, while I admire Jason Stackhouse for attempting to apply himself to something of value, I question whether this is a serious consideration of his and the writers. I would hate to have something as important as joining the police force to be brushed aside. NATHAN Yeah, that was a little weird. BYRON I also did not think it was very wise of the sheriff to quit. HENRIETTA Do you blame the poor man? He's old. In the TV show Bon Temps was essentially crime free. and then suddenly, he's dealin' with vampires, serial killers, sexual deviants -- ELIJAH Yum. HENRIETTA -- dear Lord. Now they have this man who is missin' his head... MADISON But we know who did it. NATHAN Bud doesn't. HENRIETTA I suppose I should not be surprised that a vampire would do such a terrible thing to the human body. ELIJAH Oh, darlin', you ain't seen nothing yet. HENRIETTA And I thought a vampire couldn't compel a human into inviting them in? Doesn't that violate the spirit of the rules? Crickets... NINA OK well. How about a different topic? MADISON There was definitely not enough -- HENRIETTA, NATHAN, ELIJAH, CHUCK, TRACY, BYRON together: Eric. MADISON Whoa. You guys noticed, too? I mean, okay, he gave Lafayette the car, which was kinda funny. And he took the bullet for the werewolf in the beginning only to kill him later, but that was it. Serious Eric shortage. CHUCK I just appreciate that vampires are all individuals, not like those werewolves. They all looked like biker redneck hicks! MADISON That new werewolf is kinda cute...Alcide...but he's not Eric. I'm surprised he actually was protecting Sookie though, you know? CHUCK If his life is on the line, he'll let Sookie die. Werewolves are all selfish greedy bastards. TRACY Really? Cause I thought all vampires were sorta gay. [CHUCK'S fangs appear as he lurches toward TRACY. MADISON'S eyes are shielded by her mother's hand, HENRIETTA grabs her cross and ducks under the table.] ELIJAH Oh Charles, put the fangs away. When you reach my age, you'll find that men and women sorta... blur together. NATHAN How progressive...for a vampire. ELIJAH Since you brought it up ...how about that scene with Bill and Lorena? I must try that. Madison...interested? MADISON Ew...you don't even look a little bit like Eric. ELIJAH Nathan? NINA We're supposed to be discussing the episode, not planning our social lives. ELIJAH Jealous? HENRIETTA I swear on my Mother's grave that I have never seen anything quite as disturbing as those two vampires...making love...if that's what you want to call it... NATHAN Bill spent a lot of time in flashback this episode. I mean, we got to see why he hates Lorena so much. ELIJAH That one was Bill's own fault. You cannot go back to your human life. It just complicates everything. NATHAN Regardless... I think there was too much in this episode. It was really heavy and didn't really advance the story at all. They did the same thing in the second season - slowed down the pace of the whole show. MADISON Yeah, but we got to see Bill's wife and his kid. It was kinda cool. NATHAN But kinda long. Between that and Sam's story... BYRON I do agree that Sam's story has gotten a bit out of hand. It seems as though the only shifters this series portrays are drunks, criminals, or liars. And where did his brother put Sam's money when he was a bird??? TRACY Just like weres are all bikers. Or Nazis. NINA So ultimately, some of you think -- NATHAN In some cases. NINA -- the series stereotypes certain people? BRYON, CHUCK, and TRACY Yes. NINA Interesting. Now let's move into the portion of the panel where we talk about Bon Temps. Any one want to start? MADISON I think its sad that nobody really went to Eggs's funeral. I mean, he was a part of the town for a little while and still nobody came. Not even to support Tara. That was kinda sad. I think the real Bon Temps would show more support for their bartender. Oh and speaking of Tara...a one nighter with a creepy British vampire? TRACY I knew that Bill Compton was up to no good. Can't trust a vamper. NINA But what about Bon Temps? NATHAN I think that there isn't a lot of focus on Bon Temps this year...which I don't like. All of the main characters are doing their own things now. I kinda liked in the first two seasons when they all had to work together. ELIJAH Or at least were getting in trouble together. HENRIETTA Too many murders. The young people may drink, do drugs, and have sex out of wedlock, but there are no murders--even with vampires and werewolves running around. Even they know there is a line that they can not cross. Bon Temps is a town, not a mass grave. BYRON Also, the show makes it seem like the only jobs you can have in Bon Temps is being on the road crew or in the food service industry. That Lafayette has two legal jobs and those are both it. There are plenty of sophisticated jobs in town as well. NINA All interesting viewpoints. Well, I think that's good for now. Everyone enjoy next week off while you watch the fireworks. We'll see everyone back here in two weeks. This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. "Reality Bites" and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse novels. Header Credit: K. Rose Author Credits: Cory Brin and Sarah Pughhttp://truebloodnet.com http://truebloodnet.com/community http://truebloodnet.com/forums
There was plenty of hurt to go around in "It Hurts Me Too," the third episode of True Blood Season 3--some of it seen, but most of it in painful anticipation of what's to come for our beloved characters. "Twisted" is the only way to describe some of the events that unfolded last night, and not just because of the disturbing ending. Picking right up with the confrontation in Sookie's house, Eric jumps in front of the bullet meant for the werewolf, knowing that his blood would be so tempting that the wolf would shift back into human form. "WHO SENT YOU?" he bellows, but the guy wouldn't talk (not knowing that Sookie could read his thoughts, jumbled as they may be, and learn about "Jackson"). Eric rips his throat out and then looks up at Sookie, face dripping with blood: "Got your rug all wet." At least her rug wasn't a Celtic tapestry from 1387, like the one Russell uses to put out the flames on Lorena, sending Talbot into a fit. Russell sits down with Bill for a candid talk about his options. He wonders why Bill has put himself in a position to be so in love with a human, subjecting her to the dangers of the vampire world: "Is it your human welfare you value, or your own desire? You are a fraction of my age--one day you'll see, you can't have both." He sends Bill to bed to think about it, although the agonizing choice has already been made for him. The rest of the episode marks a turning point for Bill as he comes to terms with that... Eric buries the body of the werewolf in a fresh grave, and Sookie asks about his vicious reaction to the "Operation Werewolf" brand on the guy's neck. "It brings back many memories…unpleasant ones." We get no more than that, but I think we can look forward to at least a few more flashbacks with Godric this season to show the reasons for Eric's hatred of werewolves, and this pack in particular. Sookie's attitude towards Eric is definitely softening, as she thanks him for saving her life (again). He walks her back home, and they discuss Jackson, MS. Eric can't go there yet for some reason: "The problems of the world consist of more than finding your missing boyfriend." But he's worried that Sookie will get into trouble (at this point in the series, that's a certainty). Eric only shows up for one more brief scene in this episode, to make a peace offering to Lafayette--sorry Pam's been hard on you, here's a Ferrari! "I'll have to sell you the car for $1 to avoid that pesky gift tax." He wants Lafayette to see that there are benefits to working for vampires. In a cheap motel across town, Tara is having creepy sex with Franklin. In the heat of the moment, she forgets her prejudice against vampires and tells him to bite her. "No," he says, retracting his fangs, "because you want me to." Afterwards, they're having a pleasant chat, until Franklin gets a little too personal (I mean, the nerve of some guys! Asking her name…). Tara had escaped what she was feeling over Eggs for a little while, but the harsh reality of her situation came back and sent her rushing away. While in the middle of some important business with Yvetta, Pam gets interrupted by a phone call from Jessica, freaking out over the missing trucker. "So, the problem you have is that there is no dead body in your house? Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Gotta run," she hangs up the phone and returns to Yvetta, "Lie back, sweetheart, and think of Estonia." After the incident on the road, Sam storms into the Mickens house: "I'm not the kind to skip out on his own blood 'n kin." Of course, now that he's accepted that this is his family, he's going to have to deal with all the issues that come with them. Joe Lee takes a sip of beer, and Melinda orders him to pour it down the sink: "Jesus H., you ain't seen your son in over 30 years and you can't cork it for one night?!" she turns to Sam and assures him, "We ain't alcoholics." All evidence to the contrary when they show up at Merlotte's the next day for a visit. They seem so proud of how well he's done for himself, so Sam offers them lunch. Hours later, they're still there, helping themselves to free drinks. Sam stops Tommy, who's only 19, and Joe Lee gets defensive, thinking that Sam is calling him a bad parent and a drunk. Melinda pushes them out the door, slurring, "Y'all sure know how to piss all over a perfectly fine reunion." In the middle of the night, Sam is awakened by an alarm going off. He goes over to the bar with a gun and finds a bird going through his office. It flies off, leaving a pile of clothes and a bag of something (money?) on the floor. It seems that Tommy is not a very good brother… Jason recounts the night he just had in Hot Shot to Hoyt. He's now convinced that he would be an amazing cop: "Police work ain't about just tackling people. There's marksmanship, paramilitary training…I got all that now. And let's face it, would you feel safe with me patrolling the streets, or Andy Bellefleur?" (That's no way to talk about your best friend, Jason!) Hoyt seems skeptical about Jason's sudden enthusiasm, but he helps him out by quizzing him on the written exam questions. Unfortunately, Jason doesn't take that part seriously: "The legal blood alcohol limit in the state of Louisiana is…" "When you're drunk?" Arlene makes a visit to her doctor and gets an unwelcome surprise--she's been pregnant for 2-3 months. That means the father of her baby isn't sweet, lovable Terry but murdering sociopath Rene. Because of the way she's been acting lately, Terry thinks Arlene is going to break up with him. She tells him that she's pregnant and before she can tell him the whole truth, he assumes the baby is his and gets so excited: "Thank you for making my life mean something." Arlene can't bring herself to tell him otherwise. At Merlotte's, Tara gets a call from Mike Spencer that they are holding Eggs' funeral. She runs over to the cemetery, but there is no one there but Mike and the minister. Eggs had no family or friends that they could find. It was Sookie who arranged and paid for the funeral: "None of this makes me feel better about anything. But maybe it might help you." As the ceremony begins, the camera pans down and lands on the headstone of Thomas Charles Compton. Flashback to 1868, when Bill returned home on the night that his wife, Caroline, was preparing to bury their son, Thomas, who died of smallpox at the age of 6. When Caroline sees Bill, she believes that her prayers have been answered. She pulls him inside, where their son is lying in a coffin. Bill kneels beside him: "Thomas, it's your Papa. I've come to see you off." He begins to cry, and his bloody tears show Caroline what he has become. She doesn't know if he's a ghost or a demon, but she runs away afraid after shooting him in the arm and watching his wound heal before her eyes. Outside, Lorena catches Caroline and glamours her. Lorena laughs at Bill, "You've hurt her enough for two lifetimes, William. I warned you--there's our world, and theirs. Between lies only suffering." Lorena smiles as she sees the horrible pain of that lesson sink in with Bill. He must make Caroline forget what has happened that night. Afterwards, he goes to the cemetery to bury Thomas, and Lorena tells him, "The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away…forever." In present-day, Bill wakes up in his bed crying, distraught to remember that night 150 years ago. Jason also has a dream, in which he is taking the police exam and the writing turns to Egyptian hieroglyphs. He goes up to Bud for another paper, and everyone starts laughing at him because he's not wearing any pants. They all have bullet holes in their foreheads. Asleep in his truck while the road crew is working, Lafayette wakes him up, and then Hoyt calls everybody over to a drain where he has found a body (which we know to be Jessica's trucker, even though it is now without a head or hands). Kenya, Andy, and Bud arrive on the scene. Andy thinks the guy was killed by a vampire because there's no blood in the body (Jessica's doing), and the head was ripped off rather than cut off (Franklin's doing). Looking down and realizing what his life has become, Bud suddenly walks off: "I quit! I've had it with this shit. Every time we clear one murder, two more spring up--it's like crabgrass!…43 years and what've I got to show for it? Gaps in my brain and polyps in my ass. I don't need this horse shit!" Sookie is on her front porch scrubbing the rug when she hears the thoughts of a man walking up behind her. She starts running, and he comes up and grabs hold of her, insisting that he's not trying to hurt her. "I know you're a werewolf! I've had vampire blood, I'll kick your ass!" she screams. He tells her Eric sent him: "My name's Alcide Herveaux. I'm here to look after you." As they sit down to have a cup of coffee, he looks at her wondering if she can really hear his thoughts: 'So we could have a whole conversation with me sitting here, clam shut?' "Well, it's kinda rude with just the two of us, but in a room full of strangers it might come in handy." It seems the vampire/werewolf prejudice runs both ways--Alcide says he doesn't do favors for vamps, but he agreed to escort Sookie to help his father get out of debt with Eric. Plus, he knows the pack of weres they're dealing with because his ex is banging their leader. Alcide asks Sookie if she'll be ready for them: "They took someone I love from me. I don't know about you, but I was raised to fight back." Franklin knocks on the door at Bill's house. Jessica tries to scare him away: "Listen, buddy, I don't know what you have in mind, but you're messing with the wrong girl." She bares her fangs threateningly, to which Franklin coolly shows her his own and walks in to have a chat. His job, he says, is to find things. He asks if anything has gone missing. He opens a bag and pulls out the head of her trucker (Franklin has one sick sense of humor). In exchange for helping her with that problem, he wants to know everything about Bill Compton. Alcide takes Sookie to the were bar, Lou Pine's (a pun only slightly more subtle than "Fangtasia"). Sookie walks right up to the biker weres and provokes them by saying how tough and strong vampires are. She hears one of them thinking about how they beat on a vampire the other night. Touching his chest, she sees images of Bill being cut and drained. Sookie, in her eagerness to find Bill, went off to private room with him (perhaps not understanding what Eric or Alcide has told her about how dangerous these guys are!). Thankfully, Alcide was there to save her. Franklin goes to Sookie's house to see Tara: "I met a delightful baby vampire tonight. Actually, no, she was irritating. But she did tell me a great many things, such as your name, and the fact that you live in a house owned by the human companion of Mr. Bill Compton." (Who the hell is this guy?!) When Tara refuses to invite him in, he just glamours her and comes in anyway. At the King's mansion, Coot complains that the guy he sent to retrieve Sookie has gone missing. Russell snaps, "Can your pack of imbeciles do nothing right?" Lorena speaks up, informing Russell that Eric Northman is probably responsible. He takes a "perverse interest" in Sookie and will have been watching over her in Bill's absence. At that moment, Bill strolls in calmly (looking very dashing in a white dinner jacket, I might add). His dream has left him resolved to what he must do. "I have considered your offer," he tells Russell. "My service to Queen Sophie-Anne has brought only suffering to me and the humans I have lived amongst. I recognize that now. For their safety, and also for mine, I hereby renounce my fealty to the kingdom of Louisiana, and I humbly pledge my loyalty to your Majesty." Russell is gleeful at his triumph and tells Coot they don't need "the girl" after all, which makes Lorena furious because she wanted Russell to let her kill Sookie in front of Bill. Afterwards, Bill goes into his room, followed by Lorena, who applauds his performance with Russell. At first it seems as though he has calmly accepted his fate and the destruction of his humanity once again by Lorena, but then the monster in him is unleashed. He pushes her up against the wall, growling that he will never forgive her, nor love her. She kisses him, and he throws her onto the bed, bites her, and then rips her clothes off as Lorena tells Bill to "make love" to her (she may have released him, but she's still his maker). In a fit of rage against Lorena and his hatred for her and what she has taken away from him (his home, his humanity and his freedom) he starts having violent hatred sex with Lorena. Unable to bear looking at her face, he twists her head around backwards as he has sex with her. Even with her neck broken and blood pouring out of her mouth, Lorena says, "Oh William, I still love you." The episode ends with Bill's tormented scream. Now we have two weeks to wait in shock, disgust, and, as always, obsessive curiosity, for what will happen next. "9 Crimes" airs on July 11th, but HBO will probably give Truebies something to tide them over on the July 4th holiday. What did y'all think of this one? (Photo credit: HBO Inc.) 
