Lafayette comin' atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur! I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin' hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle. Then at nights I cook at Merlotte's bar where all the local necks hang out. So now I'm branchin' out and I'm goin' to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man. I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than 'lil ole me! And I kin cook too! Every week or so I'm going to teach y'all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan's heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!
Lafayette's Famous Fudge
Happy Holidays, Hookahs. Ya boy's back wit some holiday cheer for ya heffers. I hope each and every one of youse had a great holiday.
I'm bout to impart some knowledge for ya that you can use for ya Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve feasts. You just know round here we got that fire when it comes to da food. Louisiana is da bomb!
Lettie Mae had a spread that would make you want to slap ya mama. Errbody who's anybody in Bon Temps was there. Hell, Terry and Arlene was even there with the kids. And Andy with his dumb self. Get this. Andy calls up Tara a couple days 'fo Thanksgiving, talking bout, "Tara, Imma come over to ya Mama house and fry up a turkey 'fo Thanksgiving." Yeah, well, I am more than certain you hookahs know how that went down. Thank goodness me and Terry was off work and already over there helping wit da festivities or else Lettie Mae's house woulda looked like da one those vampires was living in – crispy, crunchy and burned clean to da ground.
Andy outside, right? He got the burner going and he put da pot and da oil in it. He gets da brilliant idea to get it to boiling and you know ol' Andy – dat fool too proud to ask another man fo' help and lo and behold, he dropped da turkey into dat boiling hot oil all by himself – 'cept he knocked over the pot while he was doing dat.
Child, listen to ya boy when I tells ya that ya don't want to be nowhere round when dat oil hits da flames. Lettie Mae's backyard looked like a forest fire. And yeah, then dat's when Andy's crazy self decides to yell for help. He better be glad that wasn't his own house else I'd have let it burn, baby burn! But youse know I can't do that to my favorite auntie so I ran outside to see what I could do to fix Andy's mess. I saw what was happening and I said, "Lawd Andy, what you done now?!" It was quite a sight to say da least. For some stupid reason, Andy thought fanning the flame with his shirt was gonna help put it out. Man, I grabbed the fire extinguisher and commenced to savin' da day. If ain't learned nothin' else workin' on dat road crew, I learned how to put out a fire or two. Jason was always doin' stupid stuff and I done put out a few a his fires in my day.
Once Andy finished burnin' down half da neighborhood, I went back in da house to make my famous fudge. Imma share dis' witcha, but don't tell nobody, or else I might have to ice ya:
Ingredients:
½ cup light corn syrup
2 sticks butter
4 cups granulated sugar
1 can condensed milk
1 cup peanut butter
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
Instructions:
Spray a cake pan with vegetable spray and set is on da side til you finish making da mix. In a large saucepan, mix up sugar, condensed milk, corn syrup, and butter. Ya want to cook it on medium high heat. Now you can't be playin' on da internet or "workin" while none of dis is going on, else you gonna burn the mixture. Stir it like coffee – put yo hips in it. Keep stirrin it til it's completely melted and take yo candy thermometer and stir til it gets to 240 degrees. Don't let it get above dat else you'll ruin da mix. Once it get there, take it off da heat and stir in da peanut butter and vanilla. Stir dat mixture good til it gets smooth and pour it in da pan and let sit til ya'll ready to eat. Den cut into bars or squares.
You can also give dis as a gift.
Now dat's whaassup!
(Photo credit: http://fariellos.com)
Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly
To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes go to the "What's Cookin'" archives!
Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients. This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. What's Cookin' and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris's Sookie Stackhouse novels.
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